


Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

by thebravelittlemonkey



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: DnD jokes because why not, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, also endless bickering if that's your kink, come on down to quip town, honestly it's just dumb jokes guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13509693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebravelittlemonkey/pseuds/thebravelittlemonkey
Summary: Magnus Burnsides was finally standing in front of his cackling team members, trying and failing to bring some seriousness to the situation. His height didn’t make up for his comical appearance: singed auburn hair standing on end, armor sparking sporadically, and left eye twitching. It was unclear if the last of these features was from the electricity or his current sour mood.“So clearly that didn’t work."--------In which the gang tries to talk strategy and everyone has a very different opinion on what words like 'teamwork' and 'healing' mean.





	Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

**Author's Note:**

> Set vaguely between Camp Good Friend and the Suffering Game. A little silliness before the storm.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow–” Magnus’ indignant chant was interrupted by a sudden involuntary twitch. He was gingerly stepping his way across the Bureau’s training room as though careful footfalls could help him avoid the lingering blue electricity that coursed through every inch of metal on his body. The tiny tendrils of lightning fanned across the Shield of Heroic Memories and his Bracer of Balance, lightly zipping through Railsplitter before finding contact in a sharp shock at the buckle of the Defender’s Dial. “ _Owwwwww_.”  

This belabored process continued until Magnus Burnsides was finally standing in front of his cackling team members, trying and failing to bring some seriousness to the situation. His height didn’t make up for his comical appearance: singed auburn hair standing on end, armor sparking sporadically, and left eye twitching. It was unclear if the last of these features was from the electricity or his current sour mood.

“So clearly _that_ didn’t work,” he stated bluntly, trying to stay diplomatic as Taako wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

“What--What do you mean, big man?” the wizard snickered, barely composing himself to look Magnus over with a grin. “I think you’ve just stumbled onto some real brand potential here. Now just imagine this with me,” he offered, spreading both hands across the air for dramatic effect. “Sizzle it up with Magnus.” 

“Magnus _Burn_ sides that is,” Merle chimed in as Magnus fretfully patted out the small flame on his shoulder. 

“I won’t even collect royalties. It’s a free one, on me,” the elf continued, “Never say good ol’ Taako never did anything for you.”

“Okay seriously guys, we’re supposed to be practicing how to fight _together_. You know, like as a team,” Magnus reminded looking between Merle and Taako.

“Uh yea, and Team Taako had it handled.” Taako gestured to the shattered remains of the training robots they had been practicing with for emphasis.

“Alright yea, _sure_. But…” Magnus gestured down to himself in turn, making a point of which Taako feigned ignorance.

“Yea I don’t see the problem,” he shrugged.

“You shot a lightning bolt–”

“Uhuh.”

“–like _right_ at me.”

“At the robot,” Taako corrected. 

“Yea but through me, Magnus. Your teammate.”

“Well you, Magnus-my-teammate, were standing in front of it, the robot-my-target. So this kind of feels like a you problem,” he concluded.

“How is it a me problem when _you_ cast the lightning bolt!” Magnus erupted, dumbstruck by the lack of communication.

“Hey listen, I’m just over here carrying the thankless torch of competence for you fools, if anyone should be complaining, it’s me.”  

“Hey I did stuff too!” Merle insisted.

“Oh yea, that Calm Emotions really took the wind from its sails,” Taako replied, the roll of his eyes lost on the dwarven cleric who was either too short or too optimistic to notice.

“Thank you.”

“Def one of those rage-fueled robots.”

 “Probably,” Merle agreed with a sage nod.

“The John Wick of robots,” Taako continued.

 “Exactly.”

 “It’d gone off the deep end of the tall cliff of vengeance, abandoned its robot responsibilities, blinded by madness until the great Merle Highchurch came and–” Taako’s increasingly elaborate joke was cut short as Merle finally realized it was at his expense.

 “Well you don’t _know_ it didn’t work,” he huffed, crossing his arms defensively.

 "It. Was. A. Ro-bot.”

 “So! Doesn’t mean he didn’t have feelings. I mean his eyes were red. That’s a dead give away right there.” The withering look Taako gave to Merle was enough to shrivel up the rest of his argument, leaving him with pout. “Well _I_ have feelings and right now I’m feeling very attacked.”

 “I was literally attacked!” Magnus shouted, barging into the long tangent. “In case you forgot. That was kind of the whole point of this--this little group powwow thing I was trying to get going. So can we maybe, you know, refocus a little here guys.”

 “Oh I see, this is going to be a whole thing isn’t it?” Taako noted, taking a moment to ponder his options. Eventually he gave a resigned sigh and a quick wave of his hand to levitate a chair to his disposal. Sitting down with one leg delicately crossed over the other, he pulled out Uncle John's Elven Bathroom Reader and began paging through it. There was a long pause, wherein Merle continued to pout and Magnus furrowed his brows in confusion. With a sigh, Taako finally prompted the fighter with a little wave. “Well, go on.”

 “Right...right.” After a moment’s thought, Magnus decided this was the closest he would get to a captive audience. “So first off I want to say, Taako...Merle...you guys are doing a great job. We’ve been doing some real good stuff out there and I totally trust you guys to have my back.” 

“ _But_ ,” Merle interjected rather moodily, his posture unchanged.

“But...I feel like we could–we could _all_ make some slight...changes. For the team. Like remember when we were at Camp Good Friend and we talked about–” Magnus’ cautious advice was stopped short as Taako’s book snapped shut.

“Let me interrupt you right there for a second,” Taako began, “See those words that you’re saying with your mouth? No comprende.” 

“Taako just–”

“No really. Does not compute.” 

“Taako–”

“KRRRKShhhhhrKK–I’m sorry that’s all I hear. When we were at Krrrrshkkr? That’s the words you said,” he continued, shrugging with faux helplessness.

“Taako, the voidfish did not erase Camp Good Friend. Me and Merle still remember it,” Magnus refuted.

“Oh yea, remember that Art fella? He was a real pain in the ass,” Merle added.

“Yea no, it’s more of a personal voidfish situation I’ve got going on,” Taako explained. “I just kind of block out really dumb shit; you should try it some time.” 

“So at Camp Good Friend,” Magnus continued, pushing through Taako’s stubbornness.

“I’m sorry where?”

“At Camp Goo–”

“Krrrsshhhkkk–”

“At Camp–”

“–shhhrrkkkkSHH–”

“Okay, _fine_ !” Magnus threw his hands up in defeat. “So _one time_ at some random totally-not-camp-place where the three of us all went and hung out to do not-camp things, we all gave each other all some constructive criticism.”

“Yea sorry, doesn’t ring a bell,” Taako replied, opening his book once more to direct his attention to its pages rather than at Magnus’ persistence.

“And I told you that sometimes you cast spells–and they’re really cool spells, don’t get me wrong–but you cast spells without really thinking about whether or not they will injure me specifically. You know...like you just did with the whole lightning bolt thing,” he continued, unfazed by Taako’s attitude. Now as much as the wizard liked to call bullshit on his whole ‘rustic hospitality’ business, even he found that Magnus was frustratingly good at this whole sweet earnesty thing. Attempting disinterest, Taako turned another page of his book, but eventually offered a less snarky reply.

“A touch, a palpable touch, I do confess.” The words, echoed from their time at Camp Good Friend, served as a quiet sign of his remembrance and a slight acknowledgements of the problem. It did the trick of course, instantly putting a smile on the burly fighter’s face.

“Look, I don’t mind taking the hits out there for you guys. That’s what I do, I’m a protection fighter. I just don’t need to be taking extra hits,” he clarified, giving a knowing snort as he added, “After all, our cleric sucks at healing.”

At this, Taako’s long ears perked up and he returned the smile. “Now that’s some good constructive criticism if I ever heard it.” 

“Hey! Why are you guys harshin' on me here, I thought this was about Taako messing you up with all his crazy spells,” Merle exclaimed, rooting one hand on his his hip and throwing the other accusingly at the elf. 

“At least I _cast_ spells,” Taako replied, shamelessly petty in his tone.

“I cast Calm Emotions!” 

“Sorry, let me rephrase: at least I cast useful spells.” 

“Oh yea? I’ve got a few useful spells for you in here. How’s about a little Silence? I can think of a good place to cast that one,” Merle threatened, trying to pull himself up to his full height which still managed to fall short of Taako’s sitting form.

“Hey now Merle-” Magnus began, reaching one hand out to placate the dwarf before Taako took his attention.

“Really preacher man, you want to go? Want to have a little spell duel with me, Taako, a wizard? Oh hells yea, can’t wait to see how this one turns out. A real nail-biter for sure.” The elf turned the page of his book with a pointed and singular laugh, not bothering to look up.

“Taako–” Moving to step between the two, Magnus could tell this was going nowhere good.

“Yea. Yea I do. Let’s have a duel Mr. Bigshot Wizard, see how you deal with a little divine reckoning,” Merle challenged, rolling up his sleeves and pulling out the Extreme Teen Bible. 

“Guys, guys, stop. Teamwork! This is about teamwork, remember.” Both Taako and Merle looked at him this time, one part skepticism and a half-pint annoyance. Magnus gave an apprehensive smile and a thumbs up. “Teamwork makes the dream work?”

“Yea well my teammates apparently don’t want me on the team,” the cleric snapped back, just a tad over-dramatically. “So maybe I oughta just leave.”

“Well I mean…” Taako began, before Magnus wisely intervened.

“What _we_ mean is you shouldn’t do that. Because we need you and you’re our friend, Merle. It would just be cool if you could sometimes, you know, _heal_ us?” Magnus awaited Merle’s reply nervously as he held out the figurative olive branch. Finally, with a grumble or two, the slighted cleric was also forced to cave to his teammate’s endearing sincerity.

“Alright alright, I get it. I’ll heal. I mean I think I _have_ been healing, but I’ll heal even more. Just for you guys,” he replied, always a touch defensive, but certainly less stubborn than Taako.

“Cool cool...so…” Magnus drifted off, looking at Merle expectantly, “So are you gonna do that?”

“Yes, yes, I said I’d heal.”

“No I mean like...now.”

“Yes, I promise I will heal more _now_ ,” Merle replied, exasperated by Magnus’ lack of faith.

“No I mean literally right now, I’m in like a lot of pain here.” As if on cue, another static shock rolled off of the Shield of Heroic memories, sending a twitch up Magnus’ left arm and eliciting a familiar ‘ow.’

“Oooooh. Right now. As in right now-right now?”

“Right now-right now,” Magnus confirmed, thin patience held tightly between his grimace.

“Yea, ‘fraid I can’t do that.” Merle offered an apologetic shrug which Magnus took about as well as he did the lightning bolt.

“What do you mean you can’t do that? Are you out of spell slots already?” he asked, bewildered once again by his teammates’ lack of usefulness when it came to the task of keeping him alive.

“Naw, he just only prepared ten Zones of Truth for today,” Taako quipped with a light snicker, tracing his finger across a particularly interesting paragraph as he let the other two argue without him.

“I’m not out of–hey, I did not just prepare Zone of Truth! If I did then you’d be admitting what a valuable teammate I am right now,” Merle complained, before turning his attention back to Magnus. “No I just don’t think it’s a good idea to be touching you right now, Sparky. You’re still fully charged and I gotta keep these healing hands in good condition.”

The scoff from Taako could be heard by Killian across the room.

“Okay, but one of your hands is wooden. Just use the wooden one.”

“And set it on fire? I mean jeez Magnus, I know you’ve got some vendetta against my arm but could you lay off?”

“Wood doesn’t conduct electricity!”

“How do you know?”

“I’m a carpenter, I think I know my wood.”

“And I think I know my _arm_.”

“Can’t you touch like, I don’t know, my leather armor or something? Do you have to be touching me for it to work?” Magnus questioned, not knowing much about magic but also feeling confident that he probably knew about as much as Merle did.

“Sorry Mags, I’ve gotta get right up in there. Cure Wounds is skin to skin, baby.”

“Okay ew.” The fighter backed away a step at that, wondering if constant electric shocks were a reasonable alternative to _that_.

“Oh alright, stop before you two embarrass yourselves even more.” Pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance, Taako stood up to join the conversation. “Torch of competence you are a heavy cross to bear,” he sighed to himself before looking down at Merle. “Healing Word. You have Healing Word.”

“Healing Word?” Merle repeated, momentary confusion wrinkling his nose before the realization dawned on him. “Oh right! Healing Word.”

“What’s Healing Word?” Magnus interjected, feeling left out.

“A healing spell where Merle doesn’t have to put his precious ‘healing hands’ on the line,” Taako explained with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh good! Yes that one. Do that one,” Magnus agreed. Still feeling just a tad creeped out, he added, “And maybe like...do that one all the time. Instead of the other one. The touching one. I’m good with the Healing Word.”

“Well it doesn’t heal for as much as Cure Wounds you know,” Merle pointed out.

“Yea that’s okay. Really. I’m good,” Magnus insisted, voice cracking ever so slightly at the end.

“Alright then, I’m gonna hit you with some oral healing, you ready?”

“Why?! Why would you say it that way?!” Magnus squeaked, but it was too late. Merle was already reciting a verse from his Extreme Teen Bible as Magnus cringed away as the wave of what did not deserve to be called ‘holy’ energy hit him. Taako, for his part, was back to laughing at his expense.

“There. I healed you. Happy?” Merle stated triumphantly, slipping his holy symbol back into his bag. Magnus stayed frozen for a moment, looking like he’d just been doused in a bucket of swamp water while Taako held onto the back of his chair to keep from falling over laughing.

“Yea Magnus, how’s that oral magic treating you?” he cackled, clutching his gut with his other hand.

“I feel better...but I feel dirty,” he finally managed, a frown firmly set in place. It was at this exact moment that Killian made her way over to the trio.

“Oh good Magnus, I see you’re all healed up. So you three ready for round two?” she asked.

“Uh yea, yea, just give us a minute to talk strategy,” Magnus replied, turning for a group huddle as Killian left to go prepare the next robots. “Alright guys, so we know what we’re doing this time, right?”

“I heal!” Merle shouted proudly, forcing the fighter to reluctantly nod.

“Yes...you heal…” God that was a conversation for another day. Looking to Taako he prompted, “And Taako…?”

“So two things. First, I take back everything I ever said about healing, Merle. Keep that weird mojo in his direction. None for Taako, please and thank you,” he proclaimed, talking past the cleric’s attempted rebuttal. “Number two, I’m down for this whole teamwork scene, I really am, but here’s the thing. My best stuff, that good chef’s special? It’s all a little bit...big. I’m kind of past the whole cute Magic Missile fireworks part of my wizarding craft. My métier if you will. It’s go big or go home now, my dude.”

Magnus considered this for a moment, not one to dismiss the wizard’s short bursts of honesty when they occurred. It was true, after all, that Taako had rather outgrown the more contained spells of their early adventuring, but Magnus still didn’t like being collateral damage.

“Okay. I guess. But maybe not lightning again since I’m basically covered in metal?” At Magnus’ suggestion, Taako’s eyes lit up with a roguish glint.

“You know what, that’s fair. I’ve got just the thing for you, Tin Man,” he promised as Killian’s voice boomed from across the room.

“Okay guys we’re all set up, let’s rock and roll!”

Magnus fixed his grip on Railsplitter and, of course, charged over, with Merle toddling along after him. Taako took one last moment to look down at his book, glancing over a fresh spell he had learned. It was perfect, he thought. Magnus was an outdoorsy kind of guy, right?

Because there, in neat cursive on the top of the page was the name of his solution: Sunbeam.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first dive back into fanfic for a long while, but when one finishes the Adventure Zone, one does not simply walk away. I want to get into that good good family feels, broship, and angst, but I'm starting with some lighthearted humor to try to get a hold on the character voices. Unlike Taako and Merle, I would love some constructive criticism. I have a few more silly one shots to follow this chapter, so I'm hoping to keep improving through this fic until I feel confident that I have these three down. Thanks for reading!


End file.
